ST.PETER: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff God started eons ago? We had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil. The nectar attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there. The Suburbanites. They started calling God’s flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

ST.PETER: Grass? But it's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures.

ST. FRANCIS: They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

ST.PETER: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: As soon as it grows a little, they cut it—sometimes twice a week.

ST.PETER: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

ST.PETER: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

ST.PETER: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

ST.PETER: At least they kept some of the trees. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

ST.PETER: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy what they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

ST.PETER: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.…